Evan and I have always thrown around the idea of having a third baby but we knew we were going to wait a few years. We have been blessed with our first two boys, Brennan and Cole. They are just barely 13 months apart so adding a third right away at that time was not something we were ready to do! When the boys were 3 and 4, we decided that it would be a good idea to start trying for a third. My thought was that since it didn’t take much planning for our first two, the third would be here before we knew it. Brennan and Cole were definitely happy accidents so why wouldn’t baby #3 be just as easy?
Well a few negative pregnancy tests came and I started to get worried. Here we were, ready for a baby, financially stable, nice home, feeling like we have a handle on being parents (kind of!), eating right and exercising...and no baby. My cycles were really whacky after stopping birth control in the spring and I knew that had something to do with those negatives. I was frustrated but, I’m a firm believer that God has a plan for everything so we kept trying. In August, I was a few days late (or so I thought) and took a super faintly positive pregnancy test. I was really excited! But, two days later, my period started. I’m not sure if it was a false positive, my eyes tricking me, or a very very VERY early miscarriage. Either way, I was worried that this would be a trend.
Three months later, I took another positive pregnancy test and this time, it was a little brighter! I was feeling kind of tired but no terrible nausea or other symptoms. We hosted Thanksgiving at the house, told our parents, and I thought everything would be just fine. I scheduled my doctor’s appointments and continued to eat right and take my prenatal. At 7 weeks, I started bleeding. I remember it very vividly. I was at work and thought maybe it was just spotting but it continued to get heavier. Luckily, my doctor could get me into the office that night for a sonogram. In the waiting room I was googling (I know...I know…) why someone would bleed so early on and had a glimmer of hope even though my heart was telling me that it was probably hopeless. The doctor started the sonogram and just as we expected, there was nothing there. After talking with my doctor, we decided a d&c was the best method to continue on and it was scheduled for that week in early December. It was really hard to take but again, I know God has a plan. We don’t know why I miscarried but the body knows when something is viable and when it’s not. Unfortunately, this baby wasn’t meant to live outside of the womb and now Brennan and Cole have a guardian angel to watch over them. Brennan will ask why the baby is in heaven every now and then and that’s exactly what we tell him. Everything went well and my cycles returned back to normal which I was very happy with. I felt extremely positive afterwards and reached out for support from other moms that experienced the same thing.
Our new mindset was less hyper focused on why things went wrong and more on the positives. If it happens, it happens and if not, we are blessed with two handsome, rambunctious boys. Well, the day after my 29th birthday, I was feeling a little off. Kind of crampy, tired and just...off. I knew it wasn’t a hangover so on February 1st, at like 4:30am (since I was awake for whatever reason), I took a pregnancy test and holy positive! This line was crazy dark! Poor Evan found out as he was half asleep so I don’t think he really believed me! My doctor’s office was awesome and sent me for bloodwork to test for HCG and progesterone levels. The results came back great and my HCG tripled in 48 hours so we were off to a great start! I was feeling extremely tired and nauseous--the normal pregnancy symptoms. So nothing like the last pregnancy. The next step was a dating sonogram at 7 weeks.
We went to Windsong for a sonogram and the baby looked great and had a heartbeat of 138. The sonographer said my doctor would be calling with details in the next few days. A nurse from the office called me later that day and said baby looked great but there was a small mass on the sonogram. They weren’t sure if it was a twin pregnancy that didn’t make it (vanishing twin) or a subchorionic hematoma. I wasn’t supposed to lift anything, exercise or do anything strenuous. Okay, now I’m a little worried. I was never nervous about my last two pregnancies...but having a miscarriage changes each appointment. I’m always a little extra nervous just wondering if the baby is okay or growing fine. I was sent back for another sono 10 days later when I was 8 weeks 4 days. At the sono, the baby looked great with a strong heartbeat (~154) but the “mass” was still there. The sonographers said my doc would call and so we waited. I was nervous for sure because of the little glimpse I had of the sono, it looked weird!
My doctor called me back the next day and said there was a cyst on the umbilical cord and one of non significance on the amnion and chorion. Okay, so now what? I will be seeing the high-risk doctor at the end of March when I’m 12w2d to get a sonogram and get more details on everything. For now, they said to take it easy but the high-risk doctor will give me more info. Great...high risk! Gah! But, my science mind kind of took over and to google I went. Now, I know you shouldn’t google symptoms. I get it. I KNOW. But, when there are 5 scientific journal articles on the topic online...you trust those more so than message boards! Luckily, all of them said that those cysts that were discovered in the first trimester resolved on their own by 13 weeks and there weren’t any adverse outcomes for the baby. Phew. At least this is putting my mind at ease a little bit.
So now we wait. I’ve been learning to let go and let God take over. There’s nothing I can do to fix anything so why worry about it. I believe in the power of prayer and positive thinking! I know there are so many other outcomes that we could’ve been diagnosed with and I’m very thankful that the baby is looking strong and growing how it’s supposed to be growing. For now, I’ll keep resting, napping and keeping the nausea away with triscuits :) Thanks for reading...it feels really great to get it down on paper and out there.